Lessons on Losing and Holding on
by SkyChild
Summary: Both had learned to lose, just as both of them now needed to learn how to hold on again. And so they made sure things would never go to far. However, how long can they really keep up their game? KaoruKyouya
1. Chapter 1

**Title: ****Lessons on Loosing and Holding on**

_Author: Skychild_

_Fandom: Ouran Highschool Host Club_

_Pairing: KyouyaKaoru_

_Date: 17/04/07_

_Author's Note:_ My second Ouran fic within one week… the evil demon of fandom really got to me this time. Too many ideas running around in my head… This was actually planned as an one-shot, however, according to my ever-so-annoying muse there definitely is going to be at least one more chapter… we'll see.

Enjoy!

**- - - - - - - - -**

**Chapter One**

They made sure it only happened during school time, in those brief moments right before the Host Club opened, with Hunny and Mori still enjoying their lunch, and Hikaru and Tamaki being busy dancing attendance around Haruhi.

At those times, it might happen that Kyouya was already there, having no sense for overlong dessert sessions or "getting some fresh air", as both Tamaki and Hikaru called their bugging the brown-eyed commoner girl. It might also happen that, while Kyouya was sitting on the couch, doing some research on his laptop, the quiet opening and closing of the door would be heard, followed by soft steps.

And sometimes, shortly after that, he felt slender fingers trailing along the back of his neck, gently caressing his nape, ghosting over the line where his scalp hair started.

There even were times when he didn't ignore the way those fingers turned into palms, gently massaging his nape and shoulders, but stopped typing instead and closed his eyes, making absolutely no move or sound to acknowledge the presence behind him.

It happened that the other gently used his nails on the white skin until he felt Kyouya's soft shiver, something the older boy would try to suppress to the very end. Once he felt his senpai shivering, he knew he'd won.

- - -

They made sure it only happened during school time. No private meetings, phone calls, shared glances aside from that, nothing that would make people wonder. None was to know what both of them denied knowing.

Kaoru would then kneel down behind Kyouya, loosing draping his arms around the older one's neck, his fingers keeping up their exploring, mapping, touching, only now they would extend their gentle caresses to ears and throat, following the protruding line of the collarbone to the adam's apple that was moving rapidly beneath his touch. After lightly resting his palm against the slender column of the throat, making his thumb brush against Kyouya's chin line, he would then sent his fingers up to the ears, tracing their outlines.

Around the same time, lest Kyouya found the time to regain his reason, he allowed his lips to softly skim over the dark-haired boy's nape, following the paths his fingers had taken earlier.

Those lips then would travel up to the shadow king's earlobe, catching it between his teeth, tugging gently, while fingers traced nose, eyebrows, lips, sliding the glasses off his face… and if Kyouya had not objected up to now, Kaoru knew he was allowed to go further. Raising to his feet, he quickly circled the couch and boldly took the laptop from the older one's unresisting hands, carefully placing it on the table together with the glasses, before unceremoniously sliding into the other boy's lap, straddling his hips with his knees, and resuming his pleasurable torture, the soft dance of lips on ears, collarbone and throat, kissing, nipping, sometimes even suckling slightly, never strong enough to leave a mark. At that point, Kyouya knew he had lost.

- - -

They made sure it only happened during school time, so that someone or something would definitely turn up before things went too far. It was all perfectly planned, balanced, scheduled. Up to now, that was.

Sometimes, Kyouya's arms would then come up around Kaoru's waist, bringing the boy a bit closer, tilting his head ever so slightly to grant the younger one more access, which was accepted eagerly, the redhead pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses to the other's neck, trailing fire that spread into his veins, consuming all reason, going directly to where the need was centred.

If, to that point, none had interrupted them, Kaoru would allow his lips to travel higher, over chin, cheekbones, eyebrows, forehead, his breath tickling the shadow king's skin, making it tingle until the older one was all but struggling to keep the appreciating hum locked in his throat.

And usually it was then that Kyouya finally lost his self-imposed reservation, slightly opening his lips, searching, trying to capture that maddening mouth that just kept shying away from him, pressing unbearably soft kisses everywhere but where it was needed…

Kyouya moved one hand up to grab Kaoru's nape, the other bringing their bodies even closer, and then it was all moist lips locking, hot tongues intertwining as deeply as possible, needing more closeness, more touch, loosing all sense of reality in that kiss, feeling the younger one's fingers entangle with his hair, pushing even closer into the longed-for, much-needed contact, pressing their bodies together tightly until they both could feel the other's warmth, passion and need quite acutely.

Most of the times, there'd be the alarming sounds of steps in the corridor before the third music room's door, making them snap out of it and keeping Kaoru from leaning against Kyouya, making him lay back on the couch.

But sometimes, there wouldn't, and Kyouya would find himself on his back, one leg still on the couch, the other one on the floor, and Kaoru resting comfortably between them, making their bodies touch in the most beautiful ways, both breathing heavily. It then happened that Kaoru, while still continuing their kiss, didn't keep his hands in check anymore, letting them wander down Kyouya's sides, caressing chest, ribs, hips and legs through fabric that suddenly seemed far too thick, too much of an obstacle, robbing the older boy of his last shreds of self-control and dignity, making him sent his fingers down as well, following similar paths, then sliding carefully beneath Kaoru's shirt, over his back, feeling the younger one's breath hitch at the electrifying contact of pure skin on skin…

- -

They made sure it only happened during school time. And yet it was getting harder and harder to stop.

Up to that point, the heat had grown to an almost unbearable measure, their need was almost painful, and as he felt Kaoru press their hips even closer together, Kyouya so badly wanted to break the kiss, press his lips to Kaoru's throat, forcing a stifled moan from the other's mouth as he started suckling feverishly, marring the pure skin with his teeth, soothing the mark with his tongue, he wanted to tear open the other's shirt to feel more skin, more heat, he so badly wanted for their hands to go further, lower, deeper…

Too far gone by now to care where they were, he pushed his hips up to meet the heat of Kaoru's body, his fingers straying to the buttons of the younger one's shirt…

…and only now did the sound of steps and voices right before the door make both of them freeze for a split-second, before Kaoru jumped to his feed, straightening his hair and uniform, while Kyouya did the same and put on his glasses again, as an addition.

Their routine in this had become so perfect, it took them mere moments to regain a normal breathing pattern, to find something to occupy themselves with and pretend as if nothing had happened, and the moment the other host club members opened the door, both were perfectly calm, presentable and busy with either reading or typing something.

The other Host Club members – Hunny offering Tamaki some cake to console the grief-stricken prince and father of Haruhi, who in turn was half-heartedly trying to escape Hikaru's antics – didn't notice anything out of ordinary. Mori was the only one giving Kyouya an examining look, but kept silent anyway.

Tamaki soon recovered, though, chatting about costumes and settings for today, presenting the latest collection of mind-numbingly colourful, sickeningly otaku-friendly outfits, and Kyouya watched how effortlessly the twins slipped back into their roles, their brotherly love act.

Yet at the same time he kept seeing Kaoru, flushed and panting, eyes dark with desire, the brief instant of utter disappointment he'd read in the younger boy's eyes the moment they'd been interrupted, kept feeling the burning need, the taste of the kisses, the scorching touches that were still having an effect on his body he was having trouble suppressing... and he hated it.

He hated that someone was having this kind of power over him, that he had lost control over himself, repeatedly so, and most of all, he hated how much he wanted to continue what they had been doing.

_He_ was the one planning, controlling, manipulating! _He_ was pulling the strings from behind the scenes… so was Kaoru, a voice in the back of his mind reminded him, he was just as much of a mastermind as Kyouya. No, it was Kyouya who truly controlled the Host Club and everything related to it! That boy couldn't possibly have any power over him!

And while Kyouya went politely through his host routine, his agile mind was whirling, processing information, finding and asking questions.

This had been going on for quite some time by now, gradually growing longer and more intense, and they never talked about it.

The question was…. Why? What merits did he get out of this? Aside from the obvious, of course.

Kaoru simply needed body contact, warmth, something he'd grown used to over the years with his brother. Now he was denied all of that, and it hurt him more than the younger Hitachiin twin would ever admit, wouldn't admit because his brother's well-being, his happiness, was far more important to him.

Kyouya… why Kyouya submitted to something like that, why he not only allowed the younger boy's touches and caresses, but invited them in, even reciprocating them, he didn't know himself. Maybe he knew that it was because of Tamaki, that the loneliness he'd always felt was much more unbearable, now that his best and only friend was more or less ignoring him for the sake of a girl. Maybe he knew and denied it, maybe he just didn't want to see the reason… whatever it was, Kyouya couldn't explain his actions, not even to himself. That was definitely a first, and that's why he hated this whole situation even more.

But he knew that it was out of sheer luck that someone had always interrupted them until now, that one day, there wouldn't, and they both longed for and dreaded that day in equal measure.

And Kyouya knew exactly that while gentle, gradual seduction might be his undoing – an undoing Kaoru had learned to perfectly exploit – Kaoru had one as well. He knew that, should he decide to take control one day, he would succeed, as Kaoru, for all his bravery and skilful teasing, would never take the last step.

That's right. He lost control because he allowed it, for no other reason. Wasn't that the story of his life? Seemingly following along the lines others defined for him, he still knew exactly where and how to strike, and one day, he would.

- - - - - - -

Hope you had as much fun reading as I had writing it :)

And now… leave me a review, please. You know you want to!

Best wishes, Skychild


	2. Chapter 2

_**Title: **__**Lessons on Losing and Holding on**_

_Author: __Skychild_

_Fandom: Ouran Highschool Host Club_

_Pairing: KyouyaKaoru_

_Author's Note:_ Alright, so there will be more chapters . my writings have the tendency to makes plans without including me, presenting me with the final result.

Thanks to all my dear reviewers. Your comments mean a lot to me! Special thanks to Cheryl for pointing out the embarrassing mistake in the headline. If you find any more: tell me!

And now, on with the show…

- - - - -

**Chapter Two**

_You look so fragile I could break / but I try to hold myself / together for the both of us / but in truth I'm just as scared._

_Snow Patrol, In my arms_

- - - -

There were opposite cases as well, though.

He watched Kaoru sitting on the window sill even after his brother had left to take Haruhi home, staring out into the beginning nightfall, into the blue hour that settled over houses, yards, streets mere moments before darkness finally claimed the world for the night.

While Hikaru was oblivious to how he left his brother behind, Kaoru was taking their falling-apart with more calm, strength and dignity, then Kyouya would've expected. The differences in character that told the Hitachiin twins apart were becoming more pronounced with every day.

Kyouya had to admit that he had underestimated the younger redhead. Kaoru was quieter, true, was a watcher, looking out for his brother without him even noticing, he was smart and could be just as cunning and mean as Hikaru at times, still he was more mature, gentler… and all that made him far less predictable then his out-going, loud twin.

He took the development with silent acceptance, didn't complain or even talk to anyone… yet, knowing that all this was meant to be didn't help him keep the loneliness at bay.

And in that moment, as Kaoru's amber eyes traced the school grounds without really seeing them, the loneliness around the boy was profound, was deep, was… so similar to what he felt.

So similar, it was almost scary. Almost, because Ootori Kyouya wasn't a man of fright, and no such thing as emotions would ever cause him fear.

Which was why he couldn't allow Kaoru close at the moment.

- - - -

There were opposite cases as well, though.

Such as, for example, this very moment, when Kyouya watched Kaoru rise to his feet and quickly averted his eyes, fixing his gaze on his laptop again, occupying himself with numbers and facts, something that had worked so well until now.

In this case, Kaoru would, seemingly thoughtlessly, cross the room to stand beside the couch, next to Kyouya, and watch him for a few moments, before hesitantly reaching out for the older boy's shoulder… and instantly drawing back at the glasses-hidden eyes turning to indifferently look at him, a cool voice uttering, "Don't touch me".

This was supposed to mean, don't come too close, lest I lose myself in you, lest I lose control the way I did last time. 

Although, it also might have meant, I have no need of your presence right now, there're no merits in it, so stay away from me .

Kyouya left it to Kaoru to interpret his words the way he wanted them, silently hoping the redhead would chose the latter explanation, for he wasn't yet ready to face the effects this boy was having on him.

He didn't really worry about rejecting the other boy like this, since Kaoru took such things pretty well and came back the day after, anyway.

- - - -

There were opposite cases as well, though.

There were cases when even Kaoru's strength ran out, when even the wiser, more mature Hitachiin twin felt close to breaking… and this was such a moment.

He stared at the back of Kyouya's head motionlessly, almost without breathing, his fingers still poised in mid-air, watched how the shadow king typed something, running numbers and figures over the his laptop's monitor.

He felt cold.

And it hurt.

Cinderella had rushed out of the palace, but none found the shoe she'd left behind. None even cared enough to come after her.

Why? When had he started to need the dark-haired boy so much?

And speaking of questions, what had happened today? Why had they gone that far? It wasn't just that none had turned up earlier, no. It was them who had had trouble stopping!

For some reason, today had been different. And not just today. Steadily, the longing within them, within him, had grown.

The longing, he realized, wasn't for consolation, wasn't replacement of his brother anymore. The longing, he realized, had long since started to occupy a corner in his soul that had, up to now, been unattended. The longing had changed to centre on the one person who was indeed able to give him the warmth he lacked. The only person who could do that.

Which was why it hurt so much to be refused now.

Now, Kaoru realized, he was really messed up, needing two people so much it made his chest ache, being consequently ignored by both of them, and all of a sudden, those lost empty weeks came crushing down on him, all those moments when he'd found himself standing all alone and watching, like he had done before, only to find that he hated it. And he found he couldn't muster the strength to tell him it was alright anyway anymore. He just couldn't.

Look at me, he wanted to scream, touch me, do something to acknowledge that I'm existing! Just… just make it all go away…

Yet he was Kaoru, not Hikaru, and thus, it wasn't like him to yell and get angry. It was his other half's turn to express his, their anger – his other half who wasn't here. And he found his imbalanced self slowly tipping over the edge.

"Alright, then." Kaoru turned, trying to hide his hurt, trying to cope with the fact that he'd just been rejected by the one he'd run to during those last weeks when the emptiness became too overwhelming. The frayed edges around the gap in his soul were tearing open even more, causing even more pain, and he couldn't stop the nails from digging sharply into the skin of his palms. He couldn't even put a finger on what it was that was making him fall apart like this!

He'd thought he was alright, even twins had to follow their own roads one day, after all, he'd known it all along, years before Hikaru even wasted a single thought on letting someone else into their shared world.

So why was it hurting so much right now? Why was he feeling so lost, so cold, so empty that he wanted… wanted to…

"Did I say I wanted you to leave?" The question made him stop dead in his tracks, and suddenly, there was a harsh grip on his wrist, he was being pulled around roughly and, after one moment of dislocation, found himself all but slammed against the back of the couch, Kyouya's body right in front of him, pressing against his, taking him every possibility of fleeing… and he couldn't even mind.

All at once, there were hot lips pressed on his, his mouth being plundered thoroughly, and his eyes fell shut as if on their own accord, the one hand that wasn't still caught in a vice-like grip fisted into Kyouya's shirt. Maybe he should fight against this violation, but right now, he really couldn't muster the strength to struggle. Who cared, anyway.

- - -

The moment the words had left his mouth and he'd seen Kaoru's reaction to it, the widening of his eyes, the way he seemed to draw back into himself, gaze locking itself off, not allowing anyone to read him anymore… in that moment Kyouya'd known he mustn't, not at any price, allow Kaoru to leave now.

For the emptiness, the loneliness emanating from the boy had spiked in that moment, and in this state, lost, hurt and abandoned, he may do something incredibly stupid. Of what kind that stupidity might have been, Kyouya didn't want to ponder… he only knew it wasn't something he ever wanted Kaoru to do. Not this clever, strong boy. He couldn't have him leave in that state of reckless desperation.

And so Kyouya decided to take control after all.

To break Kaoru before the younger one broke on his own. To hurt him, before he hurt himself, because this way, he could at least control the pain that was inflicted.

Not letting go of the other boy's wrist, he tipped him over, having him end up on his back, sprawled all over the couch, before slipping next to him so he came to lie on top of the smaller boy, resuming their kiss once more, passionate bordering on violent.

This time, it would be him who was in control; at least, that was the plan. It turned out differently.

Kaoru was having an effect on him he was having trouble controlling any longer, and soon, it was both of them panting, pushing closer, impatiently tearing at one another's clothing, and Kyouya could finally give in to the burning need to taste Kaoru, licking along his throat, nipping at first, then suckling, and delivering a rather savage bite to the place where neck joined shoulder in the end… and to his surprise, Kaoru didn't pull away, didn't even complain, although his wrist was probably bruised by now and his neck showed marks of possession that were probably quite painful, as well.

Aside from a small gasp, the younger boy didn't utter a sound, and as Kyouya looked up, he found the redhead's eyes squeezed shut tightly to hide the moisture gathering on his eyelashes.

"Kaoru…?" Now that had to be a first, Kaoru mused with an almost-smile, Kyouya sounding puzzled, even… worried…

"Just… go on. Please…" he gasped, hating how broken his voice sounded, bringing Kyouya's head closer by entangling his free hand into the other boy's hair.

Make me forget! Anything to make me forgot… the older boy interpreted silently, and so Kyouya gave in.

They impatiently fumbled with each other's shirts, all but tearing them open, both equally needy and heated. Not releasing the boy's wrist, Kyouya stretched him out beneath himself like an artist would a canvas, licking and biting his way all over Kaoru's ribcage and chest, feeling the younger one writhe and twitch beneath his caresses, then, suddenly, Kaoru's hand impatiently tugged at his hair, making the shadow king's head come up to meet the redhead's in a fervent kiss that was so much more than just an encounter of lips and tongue,

It was as if Kaoru was throwing everything he had, everything he was, into their kiss, their fierce embrace, throwing everything at Kyouya without any thought of reservation, of self-protection, with the vehemence of absolute abandon… and Kyouya never, ever could have anticipated just how much this was affecting him.

Steadily, this boy, this redhead, was robbing him of both reason and control, and had the older boy been able to see himself in that moment, he would have cringed at his own reaction – growling, he all but devoured Kaoru's mouth, one hand harshly grabbing the younger one's nape, the other grabbing his thigh, bringing one leg up to wrap around his waist and pushing even closer, fingers digging into skin still hidden by fabric.

This was so unlike him, Kyouya realized dimly, but, right now, he just couldn't bring himself to care. Not when Kaoru's now free hands were doing wonderful things on his back, leaving fiery trails in their wake, touch steadily growing more intense, going steadily deeper…

It was when Kyouya's fingers finally found the waistband of Kaoru's pants and the younger boy's hands strayed to the other's behind, that the redhead's breathless voice made the shadow king stop dead in his tracks: "You do know that none's going to interrupt us this time, right?"

It took Kyouya several seconds to gather enough reason to answer. "You want to stop?" he asked and, somehow, managed to keep his voice from turning husky.

Kaoru thoughtfully regarded the older one's face for a moment. Right… he hadn't anything left to begin with. Might as well give those last remains to the one who could make him forget.

And so he gave himself. Completely.

- - -

_Author's Note_: Sorry, I couldn't bring myself to make this a lemon. I don't write lemons as a rule, even though I like to read them – I feel it takes the poetry out of the story, so to speak, or at least it's hard to keep the acting persons in character throughout a lemon.

Take care, dear readers, and while you're at it – you know what I'm asking for ;)


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Why does Kaoru seem to become an angsty nervous wreck in all of my writings? O.O I actually consider him a strong person, that's why I can't agree with all those stories that make Kaoru kill himself or becoming a drug addict or something like that because his brother left him.

shrugs can't be helped, I guess. Enjoy, anyway!

**Chapter 3**

_So now I'm telling you the reason I'm all messed up / Just have to look me in the eye and I fall apart / please let me hold you till I know we are both through this / I couldn't live another day without you here in my arms._

_Snow Patrol, In my arms_

Most people wouldn't consider Ootori Kyouya a man to give in to his desires, act upon them and not give a damn about the circumstances.

How surprised would they be if they were ever to learn that exactly that had just happened, in Ouran High School's third music room, with the ever-present danger of someone coming in, on a couch… and with a younger student, a male student at that, and, as if that wasn't bad enough already, with a price member of the Host Club.

This thought would've amused Kyouya immensely… if the shadow king hadn't been so busy hating himself for the very deeds few people would think him capable of.

Kaoru was by now sitting on the window sill again, one leg pulled up, arms draped around it. His eyes, however, weren't drawn out to the school compound, but restlessly wandering around the room, more often than not returning to Kyouya.

The shadow king couldn't bring himself to meet the younger one's eyes. It wasn't shame he felt, he told himself. He simply had to wince at the sight of the ugly bruise marks on Kaoru's wrist, that's all. Those marks, and the even darker ones on the redhead's neck, were evidence of how he'd lost control, how deeply he'd lost himself in that boy, and it wasn't something he could deal with.

He would've liked to say that he was sorry and go back to routine. However, he couldn't. Because he didn't regret it. Because he simply couldn't return to his detached position.

Though the murky depression, the destructive desperation had gone from Kaoru's face, as Kyouya was relieved to notice. Wait a second… relieved? What reason did he have to feel this way? It wasn't like he cared, anyway!

It was just that something had changed, and he had yet to find out if this was a good thing or not.

Taking a deep breath, he quite rudely told his mind's voice to shut the fuck up. Kaoru's amber eyes were clear and open again. That was what mattered, even if he couldn't pinpoint the reason.

It annoyed him, however, that he couldn't read the boy's expression, nor his intentions, right now. It made this whole mess even less predictable, and that was something he couldn't ignore. So he decided to ask directly: "What was it to you?"

The shadow king, Kaoru mused, had mastered the art of hiding any inner turmoil so long ago that, right now, it was impossible to read him. All the redhead saw was the typically stoic face, flashing glasses safely guarding his eyes from view, and it both confused and hurt him.

It should've been alright now. He had been able to forget, if only for a moment. He'd been at peace, in those few precious moments when their harsh breathing had been the only noise to break the silence of their shared afterglow, before Kyouya had pulled away, grimacing at the mess, and risen to clean them up.

He should've been alright, and found he wasn't. Yes, this was definitely better than before, he at least could think straight again, but that was about it!

The need, the pain, was still there, and he couldn't figure out what to do. So lost was Kaoru in his dark musings that, when he heard Kyouya's question, all he could to was to give the sullen reply: "Didn't think you'd care enough to ask".

The dark-haired boy cocked an eyebrow, his expression and tone unreadable. "You know that's not true, Kaoru."

Had he just heard correctly? Had Kyouya just uttered what Kaoru thought he'd heard him say? And had he, god beware, actually said his name?

Yet this only served to make the boy even angrier. Why did Kyouya have to constantly mess him up? Being the north pole in person first, than displaying such passion, turning cold again, and now this? Saying these words, as if they meant something? He just didn't understand! Confusion made him defensive, robbed him of the strength to fight down his anger, but Kaoru was past caring already. Things were going down the drain anyway, so why bother?

He'd gotten what he thought he wanted, only to discover that it wasn't. So he was acting like a spoiled kid that couldn't get enough! Even if this was all that'd there ever be, he at least had to try. In order to have something to lose, you needed to posses something in the first place. And Kaoru felt he'd long ago lost everything that mattered.

He simply had to move forward, and so the younger boy decided to challenge the shadow king directly. "What am I to you, then?" he asked heatedly. "A way to try how it feels to not obey the rules for once? A way to forget about Tamaki? 'Cause that's not what I want!"

"Then what do you want?"

The hand in Kaoru's lap curled to a fist at the indifferent reply, nails digging painfully into the skin of his palm, a grim expression making his lips almost disappear into a thin line of anger, disappointment, hurt.

Kyouya noted in satisfaction that the boy wouldn't allow himself to cry, although he was trembling by now.

What he wanted, Kaoru raged inwardly, what he wanted?? Warmth. Want. Touch. Words. Truth. Acceptance. To regain a fraction of what he'd lost, of the peace of mind he'd had, and more, something beyond that, something to allow him entry to that world outside the twins' shared garden. Something that made him want to destroy something sometimes, just to forget…

Silently Kaoru stared into the empty space before him, suddenly too tired to fight. Why did his life have to be so damn complicated? Why couldn't he rid himself of that longing to return to how things were before, even if he knew it was futile? Why couldn't he seem to find something to hold on to? Why couldn't he ever be certain of anything?

A hand on his shoulder startled him out of his dark train of thought, made him aware of the fact that Kyouya had come over to him and was regarding him with dark, knowing eyes. What the older boy did next, though, caught Kaoru completely off guard. Sitting down on the window sill behind the younger one, drawing one leg up while leaving the other on the floor, the dark-haired boy gently pulled Kaoru into his embrace, making him rest against his chest, wrapping his arms around the slender, shivering body.

Inhaling the warmth that was Kaoru, faking a sigh of exasperation, Kyouya whispered right into the boy's ear: "Isn't this what you want?"

Kaoru couldn't respond, not without his voice betraying how shaken he truly felt. Instead, he answered by leaning his head into Kyouya's neck and closing his eyes. This felt so solid, so warm. So good that he even managed to ignore the fact that it was the shadow king holding him, giving him what he'd longed for so badly.

Couldn't they stay this way?

"For now, we can. If you want."

Damn, had he really voiced his thoughts? He shouldn't let his guard down that much, the redhead cursed inwardly while squinting up from the corner of an eye to see Kyouya's face. The older boy's expression was carefully neutral, but Kaoru thought he detected a hint of warmth in his eyes. Plus, the dark-haired boy had come to him, had readily offered him what he craved.

Kaoru's right hand came to rest on Kyouya's arm. "Thank you."

You're welcome , the shadow king thought, amazed at how easily Kaoru was trusting him, how good it felt to have him in his arms. You amazed me again, Hitachiin Kaoru. Let's see how often you manage to do that again. 

He hoped it would be many, many times.

End


End file.
